Flirting for Free Drinks

Poor people need a social life to, even if they can’t afford it. Warning: this old poor practice will cost you at least one drink and there is not a 100% guarantee that it will always work. Whether it works or not is up to you, and women tend to get the best response using this technique. New poor this is where you will leave your dignity at the door.

Go to a bar or club and proceed to buy a cheap drink. When your drink is about halfway gone, look around and find the most unattractive person in the bar. Briefly acknowledge to yourself the depressing hell your life has become, and go strike up a conversation with targeted fug. This is where your flirting and bullshit skills come into play. New poor, if you lack these talents let me remind you that practice makes perfect.

Act as though the targeted fug is the most interesting person in the world, and OMG you guys have so much in common! I love your Sanskrit tattoos, tell me more about Buddhism in the 15^th century! It’s quite impressive you can recite hundreds of quotes from Star Trek. No of course you’re not overweight just curvaceous like Marilyn Monroe. Yes, I’m gay.

 Now if you are not good at lying through your teeth, engaging them in conversation and smiling and nodding will usually get you through it. The target is often so amazed that someone is even talking to them, that they tend to babble on about these god awful subjects without any response from you. As this is occurring you quickly down your drink, which you don’t really have to think about as it is a natural response.

If the targeted fug has any manners, and in today’s society that is about a 50/50 chance, they will see your empty drink and offer to buy you another. You should continue to be tortured by this person’s company for at least five minutes after the drink has been acquired. If you think you can put up with their company stick around and have them buy you drinks all night. Otherwise, move on and repeat.

Flirting with the bartender when they come around to your side of the bar is always a good backup plan. You can often times score a few free shots out them. This usually only works with male bartenders, as almost all guys are suckers.

You may ask yourself, am I really that desperate for a drink that I would flirt with losers all night? Given that the harsh realities of your financial situation and social status have finally hit you at this moment, yes…yes you are that desperate for a drink. Cheers!